From Carol Kirkpatrick's monthly newsletter:
"It would be interesting to find out what goes on in that moment when someone looks at you and draws all sorts of conclusions." - Malcolm Gladwell
What is your attitude after a performance? Are you in it for the accolades, the audiences immediate response, and then the good things people say to you after a performance starting with your colleagues, conductor, stage director, stage manager, fans, to family and critics, etc? Does this help give you your identity that totally depends on the amount of approval you get from performing? If so this means that how you feel about yourself; your self esteem, your “self talk”, depends on “how” you feel you are perceived as a performer. There is no other touch stone for you to check in with to know who you are or if you are living a full and balanced life.
In my experience, this kind of crazy making can hold you prisoner on the inside. It creates an imbalance in you. If you are not performing or when you have an occasional not so good performance, the audience doesn’t love it and neither do the critics, it can quickly send you into a downward spiral that often creates a place that is hard to recover from and moving on to the next job seem impossible. You are afraid you will never be hired again, or if you are, those that hired you will be looking closely to see if there are cracks in what you are presenting and there will be a repeat of the previous “not so good” performance. So you start the crazy making by playing the part you think they are looking for, not as the performer, but as the person. You adjust, scrutinize and judge your every movement, sound and action to conform to what you think they want from you.
This is only the beginning of Carol's wonderful article about balance in one's life. Check out www.ariaready.net for more.
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